dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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