I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
