Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize