Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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