Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You made out with two different species that night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
