the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
