Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will be naked everywhere
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
