Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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