so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize