I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
