id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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