If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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