Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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