I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
