Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
