Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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