Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
