I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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