if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
