Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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