I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize