just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So much Jack, so little girl.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
