She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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