i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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