Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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