last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
