i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
