I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
