Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
