Apparently you make a good broom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
