i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
