That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
