Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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