Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
