Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Text me some of your sweat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize