Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
