I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
