I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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