I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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