Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
