you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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