Porn is love you can see.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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