we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
