Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
