god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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