I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
