So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ladies don't puke and tell
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
