I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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