Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
