Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
