U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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