i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
