Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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