I'm passing your future prison.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my poor anus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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