Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So vagazzling was a success
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
