I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
