There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
