I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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