...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
