I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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