I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize