She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just crazy horny about you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
