U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
this hospital has no fireball
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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