We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
