My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
pray to the hookup gods
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
