Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
