Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
