My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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