FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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