You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bring me that man meat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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