He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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