Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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