We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
