i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
