Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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