I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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