don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
