I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
