What a fucking waste of an outfit
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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