yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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