ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
