this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i've created a new STD.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
