we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
