even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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