Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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