me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
