Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
