I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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