My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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