do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize