Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
