OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
