I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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