I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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